Wednesday, July 9, 2014

This is me on the inside... Outside Not
So Much!
OK so I have been away for a while, but you will be glad to know I have kept what little I lost off. I am surprised myself. It is so hard to stay on track when there are so many parties.

My diet buddy Jeanelle joined a group online one pays $30.00 fee, and everything goes in a pot. Those that lose 4% of their body weight in four weeks get to share the pot! Great motivation so I joined today.

They are really sticklers about taking a full body shot – with a card with a word of the day and then a shot of your feet with the weight on the scale. It would be virtually impossible to cheat that is a good thing.  With this type of accountability, I will be better – I am pretty competitive so watch out world!





Friday, June 20, 2014

What is this About! I am my own worst enemy...

Binging – really! Here I am thinking I am so in control - I am struggling a bit, but my mind is set right and
then… I start eating and have not stopped for three days. Now what is this about???

I’m afraid of letting go of the extra weight and why. It is so self-sabotaging after doing so well. I just need to stop thinking like that and jump back on the horse and ride.

Now I am tired and depressed; I am sure my blood sugar is high, which has been normal for weeks is spiking out of control. I am going to kick myself in the rear – good hell woman gets with it!!

It's the same-old story that drinkers use - well I am going to get sober tomorrow so I'd better drink all I can tonight. That is right I am back depriving myself tomorrow what else do I want? I know I will run to the store! Buy whatever I like - I am not hungry but what the heck.. 

Another thing why do I use words like deprive - that is defeating in itself.... Ugh.  

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Self - Acceptance

One of the hardest things to do is accept yourself for who you are. Most of us feel like there is something wrong with us. We are to fat or we are too tall etc.

I believe in order to be able to enjoy life and make changes you have to accept yourself the way you are. Cherish what you have and who you have become. There is always room for improvement but there is no one on earth like you so this makes you one of a kind.

I believe I have started accepting myself for who I am. I am still on this journey to get fit but I can actually stand in front of the mirror naked and not feel like looking away, tearing myself apart limb by limb. When is use to get a glimpse of myself in the mirror I would think “ I look disgusting why did I do this to myself” or “I am never going to lose this weight” I would then feel self-defeated start eating things that I didn’t even enjoy just to distract myself from the pain.

I am happy to report I am getting better – in self-acceptance. Confidence is attractive.
I ran across this video on Google+ and had to share it.

These ladies didn't let their weight stop them from enjoying life why should I?

Thursday, June 12, 2014

That is the Killer Right There - INCONSISTENCY



I just hate having to do the same thing everyday, and that is what is going to kill me in the end!

I have been trucking along doing what I know I need to do - a little hungry, but like my grandma use to say - if you are not a little hungry the weight won't come off. I don't know if I agree, but I really want to get to a weight I enjoy. Better health, fit in clothes off the rack - and to be honest the sex is much more enjoyable.


SO WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!!!

As of last week, I have lost 10 lbs - not too bad. Especially since I eat basically what I want on the weekends and strictly diet on the week days.

This last weekend - I just couldn't get back on my eating plan. I am today - but it is Wednesday, so I have lost a few days. I am really having a hard time - it is always hard the first few days.

What this means is I need to diet everyday except once a month, or I need to get better about getting back on the horse. We will see how my weight goes this week - I may not weight until Monday not sure. I am so hungry right now I could eat my hat (an old saying LOL).

That is because I came to work unprepared. That is another thing if you don't prepare to don't be surprised if you fall off the wagon... Plus I need to get my mind back in the place it was last week....

Monday, May 19, 2014

Starting My Plan

Last week, I decided to follow Niall’s Dr. approved diet without the diet pills. I know it will be very tough since diet pills help control your appetite. I know from previous experience that going on a low/no carb diet helps stop hunger so through the weekend Friday – Sunday; I ate a (Atkins Phase One) low-carb diet and didn't count the calories.


It is now Monday, and I am starting the 500 calories a day for a week. The instructions are that I have to eat these calories in meat only – which mean very little food since meat has a lot of calories.

It seems a  extreme, but  I am going to do it for 7 days. Since my blood sugar has been dropping so much I decided I would stop taking my Glucophage in the morning – guess what I forgot today and my blood sugar dropped to 70, I ate the chicken breast that was planned for lunch. We will see if it works if not I may have to eat something with carbs – I hope not I have gotten off to a great start…

It should be exciting to see how this goes – I am going to modify it after the seven day, and hopefully I can get my body to be a fat-burning machine!!

My goal is 50lbs; I will keep you informed about the ups and downs.

If this is my answer, it may be yours so keep watching to see if it is a success or failure and what pot-holes I may come across....

Until Next Time !!!

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Emotional Eating


Well, my birthday was a grand feast, and I do not feel the least bit guilty (well maybe a little) went out to one of my favorite restaurants I forgot how delicious the food is.

I am changing little by little when it comes to my relationship with food. It used to be I would be feeling bad so I would eat something that comforted me, and I would feel better for a while. It had somewhat of a lasting
affect – and then of course I would look in the mirror and be upset.

Now when I get emotional and eat comfort food –it feels like an empty hole. I feel like unless I find out why I need to self-medicate I will just eat myself to death. I realize no amount of food is going to satisfy my hunger for what has hurt me or is missing in my life.



Hmm I think if I can figure that out it would be a lot easier to move on to a healthier life.
My best guess at this point? I don’t accept myself for who I am and I need to stop that type of thinking, my weight is like a heavy anchor around my neck. I feel embarrassed for letting myself get so out of shape.



I am not superficial with anyone else – I don’t judge someone by looks or any other physical trait. Why do I beat myself up?


That is the one million-dollar question.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

7 Habits to Break for Permanent Weight Loss.

As I have said before I can be really on a good roll eating right feeling good and bam I just fall apart. Once I cheat I feel like I had better eat everything I can before I go on another “diet” I have a bad relationship with food.

Driving to my sons home 300 miles away I grabbed all types of junk to eat while driving why??? I wasn't even hungry. I had to have salty and sweet none of them had any value pure junk. My self-talk is self-defeating.

I say to myself I deserve to eat what I want I've had a tough day, I want my freedom to do and eat what I want, Even if I lose weight I will be flabby and will not like my body. On and on and on…

I have a friend who is under a Dr. supervision and lost 50 lbs. in 2 months that is a lot of weight. I was given the Dr. Phone number and the actual diet plan. In the plan were a few things I know I need to adopt.

7 Habits to break, for permanent weight loss.

  1. Have a high protein breakfast
  2. Do not eat while watching TV
  3. Do not eat in your car
  4. Do not eat at your desk.
  5. Eat only at a dinner table
  6. Eat dinner early by 6:30
  7. Drink a lot of water

My husband who is excited to see me lose some weight - but doesn't want to admit it kept nagging me to call. I did it and found out I had to have him as my primary care physician. He lives at least 20 minutes away so why would I make him my primary when the one I have is 3 minutes away.

I was disappointed – as I was looking over the papers that outline the diet I was shocked  it was so restrictive. It is an Atkins type of diet but it restricts calories as well. First week only 500 calories a day, meat only! He gives out diet pills to help with the hunger after the first week you add back vegetables but always need to stay in ketosis.  That is a starvation diet I am surprised a Dr. would recommend it.

I did find however the habits he outline that needed to change are very helpful. I am going to start with changing my habits. Then after a week or two of going by these rules I am going to start the eating plan that I decide on.

Why don’t you join me? Tell me how it goes for the next few week and I will tell you my thoughts as well…

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Losing Control...

Boy I am really frustrated – my whole problem is not being able to stick to anything for a long time. I know it is in my head, and I just have to get around it.

I have been doing great, even walking every day and then I have a couple over for dinner – of course we have yummy food. And I partake in the dinner saying to myself just one meal. Does it ever go like that “NO” of course not?  From that point on I am off my eating plan (I refuse to call it a diet) I don’t know if carbs. are just my nemesis or my own mind is. I am going out of town this weekend so what do I say to myself? I bet you cannot guess – when I get back from vacation I will get started…

Really, there are always things going on I need to learn how to just do what I need to do and I shouldn't feel like I am missing out. That is the problem I just want to be able to eat like a normal person and enjoy my life.  I cannot…

Even that thought is a defeatist attitude. Why can’t I think being fit and happy is better than eating things I shouldn't – or why can I not eat something  I crave without spinning out of control?
Do any of you have the same problem?


I am really going to have to think about this and find something, deep down, that will give me a paradigm shift…

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Keto Diet?

This is so interesting; I saw a recipe on Pinterest that peeked my curiosity. It was tortilla made from coconut four. When I clicked on the link is  for an eating plan called the Keto Diet. I started on a low-carb diet today, and this looks like a version of that.

I decided to follow the Atkins diet and slowly find out what my carb intake for a healthy weight loss would be, but now I am thinking maybe this is something I want to start.

Low-carb diets are easy to stay on,  you really are not hungry after the first few days. That is a huge thing to me. My major problem isn't only hunger - it is mind hunger. I may not be hungry, but I want something that I shouldn't have and my mind does not want to let it go. That is why I am going to start using a self-guided  weight loss hypnosis and affirmations.

If we simply listen to our thoughts when it comes to self-talk  you will be amazed at how brutal you talk to yourself - you wouldn't talk to a friend like that let alone your enemy! We all need to stop that - it is so bad. When I lost the 80 lbs I still felt just as fat as I had before I lost it. It was such a distortion and all because of what  had  been ingrained in my subconscious. So I didn't enjoy my weight loss, I gained half of it back because I was always beating myself up. I couldn't enjoy the reality, and so I felt depressed. It is  a self-fulfilling prophecy.

I am going to study this new way of eating I have found - I will let you know how it goes.

If you know anything about Keto or had experience I would love to hear from you.

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Beginning All Over

I will defeat my demons.
Lets be honest here - my whole life I have been hiding the truth about my addiction to food. It began as a way to feel comfort, then it became a way to get rid of a lunatic husband it is hard to admit to this day. But it worked and I did get out of a long abusive marriage.

In the mean time I am ruining my health but I managed to lose 120 lbs at one point and I was thrilled and could shop in the normal store but that didn't last long. My addiction the way to hide from pain is always struggling to get out - that ugly monster.

I now need to lose 55 lbs and I am baring my soul because it will force me to see the truth and do something about it. It is so embarrassing but as long as I feel shame I will never be able to tame the monster.

Today is the day and I hope you can walk this journey along with me, especially if you are in the situation I am in. Need to lose weight and be healthy to live a full satisfying life.