What is this About! I am my own worst enemy...

Binging – really! Here I am thinking I am so in control - I am struggling a bit, but my mind is set right and

then… I start eating and have not stopped for three days. Now what is this about???

I’m afraid of letting go of the extra weight and why. It is so self-sabotaging after doing so well. I just need to stop thinking like that and jump back on the horse and ride.

Now I am tired and depressed; I am sure my blood sugar is high, which has been normal for weeks is spiking out of control. I am going to kick myself in the rear – good hell woman gets with it!!

It's the same-old story that drinkers use - well I am going to get sober tomorrow so I'd better drink all I can tonight. That is right I am back depriving myself tomorrow what else do I want? I know I will run to the store! Buy whatever I like - I am not hungry but what the heck.. 

Another thing why do I use words like deprive - that is defeating in itself.... Ugh.  

Self - Acceptance

One of the hardest things to do is accept yourself for who you are. Most of us feel like there is something wrong with us. We are to fat or we are too tall etc.

I believe in order to be able to enjoy life and make changes you have to accept yourself the way you are. Cherish what you have and who you have become. There is always room for improvement but there is no one on earth like you so this makes you one of a kind.

I believe I have started accepting myself for who I am. I am still on this journey to get fit but I can actually stand in front of the mirror naked and not feel like looking away, tearing myself apart limb by limb. When is use to get a glimpse of myself in the mirror I would think “ I look disgusting why did I do this to myself” or “I am never going to lose this weight” I would then feel self-defeated start eating things that I didn’t even enjoy just to distract myself from the pain.

I am happy to report I am getting better – in self-acceptance. Confidence is attractive.
I ran across this video on Google+ and had to share it.

These ladies didn't let their weight stop them from enjoying life why should I?

That is the Killer Right There - INCONSISTENCY

I just hate having to do the same thing everyday, and that is what is going to kill me in the end!

I have been trucking along doing what I know I need to do - a little hungry, but like my grandma use to say - if you are not a little hungry the weight won't come off. I don't know if I agree, but I really want to get to a weight I enjoy. Better health, fit in clothes off the rack - and to be honest the sex is much more enjoyable.


SO WHAT IS MY PROBLEM!!!

As of last week, I have lost 10 lbs - not too bad. Especially since I eat basically what I want on the weekends and strictly diet on the week days.

This last weekend - I just couldn't get back on my eating plan. I am today - but it is Wednesday, so I have lost a few days. I am really having a hard time - it is always hard the first few days.

What this means is I need to diet everyday except once a month, or I need to get better about getting back on the horse. We will see how my weight goes this week - I may not weight until Monday not sure. I am so hungry right now I could eat my hat (an old saying LOL).

That is because I came to work unprepared. That is another thing if you don't prepare to don't be surprised if you fall off the wagon... Plus I need to get my mind back in the place it was last week....