Well, my birthday was a grand feast, and I do not feel the least bit guilty (well maybe a little) went out to one of my favorite restaurants I forgot how delicious the food is.
I am changing little by little when it comes to my relationship with food. It used to be I would be feeling bad so I would eat something that comforted me, and I would feel better for a while. It had somewhat of a lasting
affect – and then of course I would look in the mirror and be upset.
Now when I get emotional and eat comfort food –it feels like an empty hole. I feel like unless I find out why I need to self-medicate I will just eat myself to death. I realize no amount of food is going to satisfy my hunger for what has hurt me or is missing in my life.
Hmm I think if I can figure that out it would be a lot easier to move on to a healthier life.
My best guess at this point? I don’t accept myself for who I am and I need to stop that type of thinking, my weight is like a heavy anchor around my neck. I feel embarrassed for letting myself get so out of shape.
I am not superficial with anyone else – I don’t judge someone by looks or any other physical trait. Why do I beat myself up?
That is the one million-dollar question.
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